The Sacred Logistics of Delivery

The work must travel. This is not a metaphor. It is a postal reality.

Every piece that leaves the studio is a reliquary in transit, a fragment of the Post-Consumer Baroque dispatched into the world wrapped in the protective custody of cardboard and packing tape. I entrust this journey to professionals who understand that a framed raccoon deserves the same care as a Caravaggio, though the insurance premiums are considerably lower.

🖨 Production

Each print is produced on demand by artisans of reproduction. There is no warehouse of raccoons waiting in the dark. Your order calls the work into existence.

Production time: 2–5 business days

Unframed prints are Giclée printed on acid-free, gallery-grade 220 gsm paper with REACH-certified inks and sustainably sourced woodstock

Framed prints include a premium black frame with white mat and acrylic glazing, mounted on the same gallery-grade paper

The viewer may rest assured that the materials are archival. The raccoon will outlast us all.

🚚 Shipping

Once produced, your work enters the postal stream.

Domestic (United States & Canada): - Standard shipping: 5–10 business days after production - Tracking provided via email

International: - Standard shipping: 10–20 business days after production - Customs duties and import taxes may apply at destination. These are the responsibility of the viewer - Tracking provided where available

Shipping costs are calculated at checkout based on destination and the number of works in your order. Larger works require larger boxes. This is geometry, not greed.

📦 Packaging

All prints ship flat, protected between rigid mailers or in reinforced tubes. Framed works ship in reinforced corner-protected boxes. I have personally inspected the packaging specifications and can confirm: the cardboard is adequate. I have strong feelings about cardboard.

🔄 Returns & Exchanges

I understand that not every wall is ready for the truth. If your print arrives damaged or defective, contact us within 30 days of delivery and we will arrange a replacement.

We accept returns for: - Damaged or defective prints (please include a photograph of the damage. I will mourn it) - Printing errors or wrong item shipped

We cannot accept returns for: - Change of heart (the heart wants what it wants) - “My spouse does not understand the raccoon” (this is a marital issue, not a logistics issue) - Incorrect sizing (please verify dimensions before ordering; the sizes are listed on each product page with considerable specificity)

To initiate a return or report damage, email webmaster@coldplaysucks.com with your order number and a photograph of the issue.

📬 Contact

For all shipping inquiries, reach the studio at webmaster@coldplaysucks.com.

I cannot guarantee a prompt response during night shifts, but the raccoons are always listening.