Frequently Raised Concerns
The viewer has questions. I understand. The work is unfamiliar. The raccoons are unexpected. Below I address the inquiries most commonly directed at the studio.
“Is this real art?”
Yes. Next question.
If the viewer requires elaboration: Caravaggio painted fruit and dead people. Vermeer painted women reading letters. I paint dumpsters and raccoons eating pizza. The medium is oil and digital reproduction. The tradition is Baroque. The subject matter is civilization’s leftovers. If a urinal can be art (thank you, Duchamp), then a beautifully lit garbage bag is practically the Sistine Chapel.
“What are the prints made of?”
All prints are Giclée reproductions on acid-free, gallery-grade 220 gsm paper using REACH-certified inks and sustainably sourced woodstock. The paper is archival quality. Your raccoon will endure long after the pizza it holds has been forgotten.
Framed prints include: - A premium black frame with clean lines worthy of any gallery wall (or bathroom wall. I do not judge) - A white mat border for that institutional gravitas - Acrylic glazing to protect the work from dust, fingerprints, and the tears of moved viewers
“What sizes are available?”
Each work is available in multiple sizes for both framed and unframed prints. Exact dimensions are listed on each product page. I recommend measuring your wall before ordering. I once hung a 36×24 where a 24×18 should have gone and the effect was, frankly, overwhelming. Though some would argue that is the point.
“How should I care for my print?”
Unframed prints: Handle with clean hands. Store flat or mount using acid-free tape. Avoid direct sunlight, excessive humidity, and raccoons (they will attempt to claim it)
Framed prints: Dust with a soft cloth. The acrylic glazing can be cleaned with a damp microfiber cloth. Do not use glass cleaner. The acrylic will not forgive you
Hang in a location away from direct sunlight to preserve colors. The chiaroscuro is meant to be dramatic on the canvas, not on your faded wall.
“Do you ship internationally?”
Yes. The Post-Consumer Baroque movement recognizes no borders. Prints ship worldwide. International orders may take 10–20 business days after production and may be subject to customs duties at destination. See the Shipping & Returns page for full details.
“Can I return a print?”
If your print arrives damaged or defective, absolutely. Contact us within 30 days with a photograph. We do not accept returns for existential regret, spousal disagreement regarding raccoon art, or the sudden realization that your bathroom is smaller than you remembered.
Full details on the Shipping & Returns page.
“Who is Garabaggio?”
A painter. A former sanitation worker. A man who was fired for dramatically lighting a dumpster with a work lamp at 3:40 AM. A man who sees the sacred in the discarded, the sublime in the soiled, the beauty in the bin.
Read the full account on The Gospel.
“Is this a joke?”
I do not know what you mean.
Something else?
Direct all inquiries to webmaster@coldplaysucks.com. The studio hours are irregular but the commitment to the viewer is absolute.